o Your child will learn that in order to avoid punishment they need to lie and sneak so they do not “get into trouble.”
o Children become concerned about “not getting punished” instead of having the capability to decide what the “right” thing to do is on their own.
o They are generally angrier, frightened, sad, and less able to control their emotions.
o When they are parented in a way that is “fear based” they also learn to be fearful of others. They can be victims of bullying OR they can be the one bullying and they learn that force is the only way to get things accomplished.
o They miss out on the chance to develop empathy, problem solving skills, and overcoming mistakes in a positive environment so that they can do better next time and LEARN without feeling the shame or fear of punishment.
o They miss out on the wonderful connection that comes with positive parenting. They want to be able to come to you with anything and if you fly off the handle, send them to their room, threaten punishment or consequences or don’t listen to them that is the very opposite of what they need and what you really want.
So what is a parent to do? Focus on connection before correction. Love unconditionally. Let natural consequences happen. So your child did not pack a lunch? Forgot a jacket? Forgot their homework? All OK. The natural consequence of each of these and many, many more scenarios are enough for them to learn. Truly, it is. Be there for them, setting empathetic limits, teaching them the tools needed to navigate life, and accept them for their loving and learning selves!
May you be one step closer to creating the connection both you and your child need.